Tuesday, October 12, 2010

There are no corners in a circle

This is the last year of my life in my twenties. The fact that I don't really know how I feel about this raises some issues - for one: know thyself. Having an oblique opinion about my age does not justify sitting on the fence, and is probably evidence of unimaginable terror...

What the f***! I'm almost 30!

I'm not afraid of getting old. I am afraid of passively allowing time to pass without being productive in it. In light of human mortality, time is a gift, and I do not like to simply throw gifts to one side while I casually sit and ruminate on what was or what could be.

What is, is what matters.

What is, is a container of vanilla cupcakes that have been screaming my name ever since they were handed to me by N in a gesture of "Happy Birthday". So I'm going to ignore my sugar boycott (it is day 4 of my birthday, anyhow) and grab me a cupcake and put the kettle on.

We'll chat later...



  1. Enjoy the cupcakes ;) sugar boycotts are over rated anyhow LOL ♥

  2. My problem with a diary - just relating to your ".... I wonder how long this one will last before it dies an obscure death..." is that I never know who i'm writing to and to what purpose.

    Are you (the writer) simply jotting thoughts down a page? If so, the I beg to ask the question... why?

    Makes me think of old Dumbledore in Harry Potter - removing thoughts from his mind with his wand when there was no more space left.

    If we could put that question aside, here's another one. If you're writing simply to share aspects of your life and what's happening in it, you still have to break through the "who gives a shit" barrier.

    Now to a cynical bastard like me, this aint no small hurdle. Think Berlin wall with razor wire, flesh eating plants and scores of intelligent zombies roaming the perimeter.

    What's worse, you also get the incessant digital highway prowlers, always on the lookout for your blood sweat and tears to corrupt it with their point of view, belittling your situation, or simply responding with something irrelevant to your visionary dictation - which at the end of the day, just makes that blinking cursor so much more intimidating.

    But hey, that's just me.

    Hope you enjoyed your cupcake.


  3. Ah, my friend, there is a HUGE difference between a diary and a blog (for me, at least). I've kept a journal for 18 years and I would rather jump off a cliff and land head-first on the jagged, seagull-poop-smeared rocks below than have the contents see the light of day.

    A blog, on the other hand, is to bounce my ideas and insights out into the obscurity of cyberspace and see what comes back. Maybe my words resonate with a reader "out there" and they have their own insights (look, I'm not only going to be writing about food addiction and fear of old age). This happened to me a LOT when immersing myself in the blog of said giver of cupcakes and her words added immense value to some particularly uncomfortable cognitive experiences I've been having lately.

    Yes, it is the jotting down of thoughts on page. Why? Because - to generate meaning, to get the noise out of my head, to allow fellows and family to peek through the keyhole and gaze quietly on my life (except when I post pole dancing videos, then it's not so quiet ;))

    And if no one gives a shit, then clearly they need to eat some All Bran Flakes while reading the morning paper.

    Why do you (the writer) write? Existentialism reckons that we writers deny our mortality and aim to live forever in our scribbles.

    Yes, there will always be critics, but remember that the Berlin wall eventually came down... plus Zombies are pretty cool and have only been given that scare-factor in pop fiction movies through the clever use of background music.

    The cupcake - in all its awesomeness - was only made sweeter by the words that preceded it :) Twas delicious!

    This is rich coming from me, but you need to keep writing in public... and screw the blinking cursor.